To work or not to work

I suffer from intermittent bouts of insomnia.

It’s awful, really. I go to bed at my normal time, around 10-10:30, and will invariably wake up around 4am. No later, no earlier.

4am. What a weird time to wake up, right?

So after my 4am wake up, I will usually toss and turn until my alarm goes off shortly before 6am. It makes the next day at work pretty much insufferable. I mean, I’m there, I’m awake, but my brain is so tired I feel I really don’t accomplish anything. The fact is, on those days following my insomniac ridden nights, I really dont get much done.

The same things happened to me again last night. I was asleep by 11pm. However, this time, I woke up shortly before 2am. So tired… All day long.

NO WAY I could have gone into work today. So, with a guilt laden voice, I called in sick. I know, I know, I shouldn’t feel bad, but I have sooo much going on at work, I know Im going to be even further in the weeds when I get there tomorrow.

Wanna know the weird thing also? This seems to usually only happen on Sunday nights. Maybe it’s the expectation of the workweek that I’m dreading? My overall fear of what’s ahead? I mean, its a valid fear, but it’s also one I know never fully comes to fruition. I survive at work, as I always have. Maybe it’s the overall lack of joy I have at my job that’s bringing me down. I mean, I like my job, but more often than not, go home feeling unsatisfied.

I know I’m where I’m at for a reason. I also know I’m good at what I do. I need to rediscover my joy in my job.